Mindscape

I don't really know where I'm going and it's scary to me

The unknown is a perilous dream where I can barely breathe,

But I can rarely sleep, it's more complicated than it seems,

And it's surprising when I go overboard with my devious schemes

Then unlock the doors with my previous keys

There's confusion in my mind that I gotta unwind,

I was kinda surprised then I rationalized that I'm fantasizing,

But nothing's rational about me when it's not abiding,

My lack of self control is certainly defining.

I'm periodically conniving to escape from my mindscape

And create a place devoid of pain,

Myself, my rules, control my brain.

Should I advocate or abdicate? These thoughts will not cooperate,

It's aggravating when they debate,

I have no say and there's no tolerating,

They refuse to congregate and stop the conflict.

Don war paint and man the cockpits.

Firing bullets, planes, grenades and rockets,

Hands just stuffed inside of pockets,

Digging into my palms making bloody sockets,

Turning into rotten faucets launching sonnets that ain't making profit,

Almost relieving cause it stops the bleeding,

Still busy traversing gruesome scenes nobody's seeing

Treading hills, scaling ravines, then hit the freezing precipice where it's hard to breathe.

Please don't leave.

 

I can't die alone again.