SUICIDE RECOVERY!

(First Song) (Rapping was my outlet in lift, so let this work your mind?)

 

 

How many nights have I been up late?

Alone and frustrated, overly medicated, my head is aching, I can't get to sleepin so I'm still awake

Thoughts are racing and my blood is pumping heavily, I'm far from heavenly

I'm only human, I'm only broken, the only mutant in this family

Mum and dad are mad at me: their son was such catastrophe

My pastor pleads and says that problems need to be solved with peace plans, but I can't receive that

Now I'm searching through the house

For anything that's sharp enough to pierce this cloud that I'm surrounded in

From the kitchen to the office, shocking how much has changed since I was toddlin

walking down the hall, seeing every wall, now I'm lockin the door to the room that I grew up in

I just drank some whiskey - what is this stuff

It burns but it feels good, my stomach churns,

now I'm looking in the mirror, looking at myself

I don't even move my hand, it moves itself

 

 

None of you can save me from myself

I look strong but I'm far from perfect health

Everyone knows I'm a cry for help

Locked doors and I'm cuttin everybody out

 

 

 

I cut myself tonight, and it hurt

Now I'm in the bathroom, trying to hide a bloody shirt

I was nervous, but now the tension's gone

When my mum come home I'll just tell her I did my homework

At school, my friends and teachers are concerned, but I've learned

if I insist that everything is all right, they'll mind their own business, and I can hide in plain sight

It's a cycle that I'm on and honestly I'm afraid that I'll be pedaling til I'm gone, I'm trying to sound alarms

But my friends already know that I'm artistic on my arms plus I'm a ticking time bomb, or am I just a drama whore who missed attention from her daddy

I don't know how I can stop, now I'm ready to blow up, I need to bleed to feed the urge

that seizes me won't let me sleep, now I'm creeping out from under sheets and sneaking past the hallway: creaking boards, beeping laundry machine, my daddy's asleep while I'm seeking a means for release

I always wonder if I'll go too far, but that hasn't come yet, so I keep on doing this….

 

 

I'm an addict, and my drug is hard to swallow

The pills that I pop are not prescriptions, you'll never find them in a bottle

I don't know what tomorrow holds, I barely have today

But I'm halfway through this day and standin stronger than the pain

Now I've learned that just because I've given in, that doesn't mean I have to give up

yeah, I can still get back up

I'll put this knife down, and I won't pick it back up

No matter how much bad luck can stack up, I'm moving forward, I'm moving forward, I'm moving forward.

I'm moving forward!

uh

 

 

Will you be there if I cry for help?

Maybe I don't have to do this all by myself

 

I feel alone but I'm reachin out

Learned I don't have to listen to my doubts