Lil' Bro

"Life's a bitch than ya die", that one line that just can't leave my mind

you only get one life and only one try, are you gonna succeed or die

in this cruel twisted world we call life, asking god for no more lies

its just unfair taking his life instead of mine,

he's my only lil' bro by my side, I'm begging on my knees "Oh Lord why?"

there's no way its his time to go, heaven can hold, you don't need him just yet.

Death ain't nothing to me, I'm not afraid of death

yet it's aftermath can be a bit rough on me,

I felt envy, suicidal, and angry, couldn't understand why are there tragedies

cuz what goes around comes back around, but God don't let my little bro drown on me

remember how he ran around in his nightgown when New Orleans scored a touchdown

the boy never frowned, always had a smile on his face, how am i gonna heal this now

I feel like i wasn't a good brother, but since you taking him from me why bother

and why am i praying to a murderer, taking a toddler, your a motherfucking monster.

I never even realized how much he adored me,

I'm not letting anyone take whats important to me.

trying to call a doctor but 9-1-1 won't go through,

don't worry bro Imma get another phone for you.

Father's giving you CPR and ya sisters are crying over you

oh look here's Grandma and grandpa pulling up at the wrong place wrong time

and he's your other grandma and ya cousin who heard us on the phone line

when i tried calling an ambulance the first time, but still no sirens.

Grandpa died not too long ago too, so don't think you got no one to hold on to

and your probably gonna be seeing me in a few, cuz this grief and guilt you

putting ON to me... is just too strong for me to live through,

I'm not able to continue without you, and i didn't do much for you

so I'mma go where ever you go, and not even God can tell me no

and maybe me 'n you can escape from where ever we'll go

and make up for the wasted time i spent arguing and annoying you

cuz I'll never forget pulling you outta the pool looking at you

your skin was so pale and your weren't able to inhale

inside of me was like a train wreck, asking God to take me instead cuz i failed

all i could think of was that picture of you, why take something so beautiful

i swear...after your funeral... I'm coming up to live with you.

 

Now while i was i was punching the walls bout to strangle myself

our neighbor who's a nurse ran up the driveway to help

and all the sudden an ambulance followed and Grandma calmed me down

and said you were gonna be okay, i looked up thankfully with tear drops on me

and realized what everyone thought of me was gone, probably died in me

maybe i wasn't so strong and tough as i thought, i was planning suicide for me.

The ambulance took you and i followed you to the hospital,

but i was unable to get onto my feet, resting in the parking lot in the heat

of my car thinking of the gun under my seat, threatened by what was coming for me

reminiscing of when i strolled the high streets, thinking what if I continued on the streets

would God still have the same plan strategy, if JJ and Bert never went missing

cuz a light bulb went off due to this tragedy, was this fate was it destiny

or was this all based off decisions and reason, life...is a mysterious thing

its all confusing, thinking of why my uncle had to go cuz of a bunch of drunks

like if he would of just stayed in his house would he still be giving me love and hugs

or would he have gone a whole 'nother way, cuz they say...

it must of been his time to go, so would he have gone no matter what that day

i guess i just gotta wait til my dying day to fully know death's mysterious ways.

But not today, I'm looking at my little brother smile even after all that happened

nothing can keep that boy from laughing, even though he just got out an ambulance 'n

sadness and all the other emotions he evoked on me praying

all he wants is to just jump back in the pool and start splashing.

And not even a week later, in school lil' bro wrote in his journal

it showed how much i was adored and whats important, wrote i called the hospital

and didn't even mention my father or the doctors,

only thing he cared about was his older brother

and i swear lil bro for now on in life I'mma make sure your always father

and make you stronger, and i hope you'll never experience such a horror

like what i went through with you lil' brother.