For real though

Even with a drink I can't find the words to think

My style is outdated, or even worse, extinct

So please, if you like rap, you might have to skip me

I can't provide a vibe even when my body's tipsy

I'm a middle class middle child, livin' for a little while

I want to be hard, but really it's a brittle style

Livin' in suburbia, probably never heard of ya

Not cuz you suck, but because i'm a worrier

Contemplating life, or should i say the end of it

Everything is broken, there ain't no mending it

To God do my cries go, even if cry slow

My mental state is bad, it feels like my high's low

I thought this was a bragging state, now i'm just dragging weight

A cashier for past years, would you like to bag your hate?

Somebody stop me, my sins are too costly

I can't go any further, cuz God's gonna toss me

The Bible is plain to me, the words are plain to see

Yet I'm at a loss when I look at the pain in me

 

If you want a tight rap to go with your nightcap

This is not the right rap, I'm not gonna fight back

I'm givin in slowly, my sin is too cozy

I know that God holds me, but why does he know me?

If God is omnipotent then why did he think of ribs?

Why did he create me? Who does he think he is?

 

I know this is blasphemy, but Lord I have to ask thee

If life was a test, would you even pass me?

Failure is my future, no fuel in my booster

I'm crying in the morning, I might be a rooster.

I admit it, I quit quick, I'm dying of a sickness

My life was an option, why did God pick ribs?

 

I'm living as a loser, a mad self-abuser

I'm not too sure that there'll ever be a new cure

Nothing is working, not even working

Pills and psychiatrists were supposed to be a sure thing

So where does that leave me? I'm still broke and needy

I struggle to survive, there's nobody to need me

 

I hope that my note list is going unnoticed

If anyone reads this, man I'll be so ticked

This is my diary, the fiery inspiring

writer thing, I track it like dieting

It's cold on the inside that's how I live life

with a thick knife, going for the windpipe

These words are regretful, not even that special

I'm mental, whiter than my dentals

 

God i am begging you, please don't let me loose

My situation's suffocating, a tightly wound deadly noose

Why would you create me? It seems that you hate me.

I prayed for salvation but feel like forsaking

I want you, need you, my wounds bleed through

I try to run away, but my sin is too see through

You say that you love me, you say you control me

Yet how can you hold me? Let alone touch me?

When wishes come around, and when it's my turn

I'll wish that my father had fired other sperm

Years ahead are brick walls, unless i give all

I'm descending to the deepest depths of this pitfall

 

Jesus be with me, I hate my own sinning

But when it comes to wrong, my demons are winning

My yearning is peaked cuz my journey is bleak

I've learned of the peace but I'm turned to the heat

Why did you mold me if you couldn't control me?

I don't see your path that you claim is unfolding.

My desire is for choirs, not for Hell's fires

I think I sold my soul to a crowd of no-buyers

If I am to serve you, and say that the Word's true

You're gonna have to change around all of my virtues.

 

If at the pearly gates, you show all my worldly fates

Fear would be the feeling and I know that I'd surely faint

 

To the users of RapPad, I hope you're not that mad

But i had to drop this burden like bricks in a backpack

Yes, I know the song is directed towards God

But that's my decision, my path all along.

I want to be righteous, standing in the light cuz

my sins are the darkest, you don't know of my disgust

For real though I'm finished, every word diminished

I know what my sin is, and plead for forgiveness.