Ron Swanson vs Theodore Roosevelt

THEODORE ROOSEVELT:

You're in for a rough ride, Ron! You'd better be ready.

Not even help from Leslie could beat President Teddy!

I speak harsh, carry big disses, and now I'm betting

You'll be tripping up this time worse than Freddy Spaghetti!

I’m on a mountain far greater than any pyramid of yours.

Think you're badass? HAH! You squeal at a lil' horse!

Continents get split when Roosevelt lets loose!

It takes more than a mustache to stop a Bull Moose.

 

RON SWANSON:

Bull Moose? I decline. The term for YOU is bullshit.

I'm a real man, the only fit to rock the Bully Pulpit!

There are two acceptable verses: yours is not one.

Your "big disses" all miss against Ron F***ing Swanson.

You're like Tammy: Satan's butthole, a grade-A bitch,

And a joke of bureaucracy with that high voice pitch.

I took down Gryzzl, son, a Teddy doesn't scare me.

Anyone would have been better as mayor, even Jerry.

 

THEODORE ROOSEVELT:

If a bullet couldn't stop me, then how could you possibly?

Libertarian in government, a parodoxical oddity,

With economic prospects and foolish concepts so shoddy

No matter how much gold you bury, so get off of my property.

Couldn't eat a banana. When I want things done, I just do it.

You're beloved on TV, but when it comes down to it

You're as fake as your values, while I'm an American bastion.

Now get back or I'll silence your ass like Li'l Sebastian.

 

RON SWANSON:

Show some goddamned respect!

You're famous for a toy, nothing more, nothing less.

Weak-willed, sick kid, but still I'd expect

A better challenge from a Republican reject!

Go back to Africa, Ted, you might have a shot there.

As a politician you brought as much change as my hair.

Should've got Frankie's help 'fore you lost your life's light.

It's your third loss, son. Go say good day to your wife.