life 5 (the end?)

life five, I know that there's not a lot that have lived a life like mine

that can relate, but I hold out hope...

(sing my song, it's a bird's cry) yeah,

growing up, never had much, all we had was just enough

birthday present? that was the breakfast, dinner, and lunch

food on the table, all I could ask for, but this isn't a cry for sympathy

need ya'll to listen to me, uh

I realize now that all the drugs I've done is slowly killing me

Slowly filling me with thoughts of an epiphany

But not a good one, as it slowly manifests on everything I've been and will be

Some people try to will me to stop, and it's not that I don't want to, but can I?

and I know that I'm feinding, but at this point, I don't even want the drugs

you heard me, the only reason I pop these pills is for love

the type of affection and appreciation that you get from the man above

and I never got any from my daddy, and for what, huh?

the only reason I take these stupid pill bottles and overdose is just to feel good

not even externally, but just to feel good about fucking something

not even formally, but just to know that I'm not fucking nothing

that I am a person, a real human being

and I know that my father probably didn't wanna see me

and I know that I probably was an accident

and I know that could also be untrue

that he could've meant to stay in, and the fact that his dad wasn't there became too much

but even through all that, the fuck am I supposed to do, cuz man, at this point, I can't do nun'

but overdose

on these stupid pills

controlling my life

I hear the echoes of my past in every line that I write,

Tryna piece together moments, but they slip outta sight.

Every swallow ain't a cure, it's just a pause in the pain,

A temporary exit from a lifelong chain.

Looking in the mirror, don't recognize who I see,

Eyes heavy like my burdens, man, I'm drowning in me.

They tell me "just quit," like it's easy to do,

But if love was a drug, then I'm fiendin' for truth.

Maybe heaven got a list, but I ain't on it yet,

Maybe hell’s just a room where regrets never rest.

Maybe life’s just a gamble, and I lost my bet,

Tryna cash out my soul for a moment of rest.

Ain’t no hotline that can fix what I done,

Ain’t no sermon that can preach where I run.

Tried prayin', but the echoes just bounce off the walls,

God ain’t pickin’ up, or maybe I missed the call.

Took a deep breath, but it burned on the way out,

Took another pill just to silence my self-doubt.

I know that it’s killin’ me, I feel it in my veins,

But when love’s just a ghost, pain the only thing that stays.