Contagious Thoughts

Lately I've been questioning my existence,

Like do I have a purpose, did I make the right decisions,

Is this life a minority falling upon me, am I a victim?

Was my mother right when she said that I have to listen,

Close friends I grew up with are slowly becoming distant,

I feel like our relationships back then just used to glisten,

We used to play in the park when it was dark, like a tradition,

But these are just memories now, long lost visions,

My family thinks I'm selfish, I can't help it, I want precision,

Everything's about me, I wanna be in the right position,

I know somewhere along the way I'll face a major collision,

But I tend not to think too much, and overcome conditions,

How'd you expect to win when your hearts got no wisdom,

Cigarettes be bringing cancer and you're feeling all the symptoms,

Like you lost a family member to that very condition,

Yet you're slowly killing yourself for rep, this shit is twisted,

Not many children I know of still have dreams & ambitions,

They'd rather chill on an iPad all day or watch television,

Meanwhile there's certain people searching for more competition,

Cause their composition be fire, they be limited edition,

 

And to the teacher that said I wouldn't make it,

You fully had a point when you said that I'm basic,

You fully spoke the truth and I guess that I hate it,

But I'll be damned if I ever take advice from a racist,

 

Course I'm different and I may look like a Wannabee,

But I'm sick to my stomach from your vomit on top of me,

I'ma keep rapping, trust me there's no stopping me,

Whether or not you like me or aren't really fond of me,

 

That's just opinions, statements which mean nothing to me,

Putting in work even if I'm still hurt, means something to me,

And although I claim I don't really talk too much,

I'm gonna let out my breaths, cause I've walked too much,

 

Huffing, puffing, I think I'm onto something,

Dad look, your words got mummy blushing,

I wanna be like you dad, I feel like such a nothing,

Although I hardly see him nowadays I still love him,

We all have problems, just different ways to face them,

When I speak to my brother, I just can't face him,

When I speak to my mother, I just start faking,

I've had enough of this lord, why are they snaking,

Like they're supposed to be my best mates,

I put my everything in them and let the rest wait,

And if they turned their backs, then why confess late,

Why not tell me before, why make me wait?,

 

I wish I could minimise my mums eyes,

So she doesn't have to see me get into dumb fights,

It's clear I've messed up one too many times,

And I wanna apologise but I can't stand seeing my mum cry,

A piece of me burns whenever that happens,

Like when my best friend gets in a fight and I think to back em',

Like when a girl looks in my eyes and remarks my fashion,

With dirty glares, all these women man I think to slap em',

 

But wait if I were to do so it'll be labeled wrong and hectic,

Like men don't face abuse every day, even domestic,

By other women and people like they never meant it,

No one can deny it this shit even makes sexists sceptic,

 

I hate to address an issue I know not much about,

But I'm speaking what's on my mind, realism without a doubt,

I don't really speak much on this when anyone's around,

But I feel like I have to talk today, I feel the sound,

 

Like who are you? Can you answer that question?,

You won't just find out by looking at your reflection,

We all think we're right, we have different perceptions,

And I swore on my mums life that music is a blessing,

Every time I'm stressing, I can't think to be finessing,

Every day's a lesson, I don't understand the message,

I don't see the bright side, I'm looking a wreckage,

Look into my eyes and try telling me it's not depressing,

 

I feel like we're all living off addiction,

I write stuff like this rather than to get on with revision,

Cause every time I step foot in school it feels like prison,

They tell us to be ourselves, yet they set us restrictions,

And I feel like we're all pigeons to religion,

If we commit sinful acts but pray after, we're forgiven?,

I don't really understand, I don't really get the system,

But no one bothers to explain, people just want me to listen,

 

Like the youth doesn't have an opinion,

Like the truth doesn't make people resilient,

Like the booth doesn't bring out my brilliance,

Money makes the world go round, all of these millions,

 

It's always money, that paper be so sensitive,

Like we're all struggling, so forget the prejudice,

We're all working and the governments our nemesis,

Like your grandparents are in a flat living off of benefits,

 

The truth sucks doesn't it, I'm sorry,

Try living a full 24 hours in another's body,

You wouldn't make it 10 minutes in another's worries,

Times are getting colder so for now I'm known as Frosty,

 

I'm focused on myself to even care about a haters flaw,

I'm finding passages and trying to open later doors,

In a world full of grass, plants and longer stalks,

In a mind full of dread and my contagious thoughts,

 

[END]