Deep Thinking

Sometimes i wonder

Could there be a time when again I'd see my brother

Or could one day these blessings i pray for would come over me sister & my mother

I remember that summer, the worst time of my life

When I'd sit on my bed flipping open & closing a knife

Thinking about if i should

Wondering if i could

Imagining the care from others if anybody really would

But since nothing kills me, makes me want death

Its like I'm drowning but i can't hold my breath

Demons tell me "breathe Michael breathe just let it all out"

But i can't keep calm as me & my family go through this drought

Maybe I'll get my life back but i highly doubt that, I'll be okay

Cause its every day this happens, and I'm not alright

I'm tired of being sick

Tired of saying this wish

Every single fucking night

But honestly my youth could really kill me from my stupidity

I plea to whoever walks the clouds, like a hitman they could take me out

Without so much pain when i need to shout

Walking with a soul going without a heart

Failing all of my classes although I'm super smart

One time somebody told me they cared

But they were no where to be fucking found when i was down & scared

When i played my music so loud my ears were impaired

In my music i get inspired

So I'm here to tell you the devils a liar

He'll say he's your best friend, your number 1 homie, but if that was true, why am i here being lonely?

After that last situation which happened

That's when my uncle had to come in & start cappin

Over-lappin everybody in the game

I pray to the one up there my city recognizes my name

But first i just want out of the pain

Out of this world cause its so plain

Its just black & white all talk & never fight always putting the strays on sight

But if there was a chance even if its slight

I would end it all tonight, stick the knife in my temple to where it feels just right

Ignite the confidence i have to write

Lonely in the silence but i hear the echos from the lost souls such as myself

Out of my friends there's no one else, i just wanna be forgiven

I don't wanna keep walking around fucking livid, i just wanna be livin

Wanna paint the past away & ask my sense of humor to stay

I realized it wasn't my fault

My fault on why my life is in a God forsaken halt

It'll be after I'm dead & when I'm gone that's when they'll all call

Asking me to forgive them, saying I'm their best friend

But it's too late now this is the end

I'm raiding the universe searching for wicked words go into every verse

I'll fall damn right it hurts

But if you got a problem say it now bitch, don't lurk

Don't be 2 faced or a snake cause i can tell if you're really fake

I'm not a gangster but the game will be mine and mine to take

Sorry I'm white and will be judged saying i can't write

People will tell me kill myself, end it all tonight

But now lately i don't give a flying fuck anymore

Fuck every snake, every bitch, and every fake

I'll do this rap shit on my own labels get the hell outta my face

Cause towards the world the top is a race

Please God take me into a far away place

Paradise is fine, heaven is too, hell is alright also i just can't follow you

I could always be picked from the crowd

I'm like a ringtone in a silent class played loud

And i dedicate this song to nobody i made it for anyone who needs it

Tell yourself you can do it alone

Find your destiny today while listening to this shit