Secrets don't belong in the grave

Lately I’ve been feeling better I found a light in the sea of darkness so I wrote my ma letter

“Hey ma how you been? Do you remember me or are you too lean?

I’m writing to tell you how I used to be.

See I think I got it from you, the anxiety n depression.

Been talking to a councillor yesterday was our last session.”

 

I was just a young girl who grew up too quick

Never had a stable home I always felt alone

The only way to get me through is my music and the blues

 

“Today I got a trigger made me want to talk to you.

Made me wanna confront you about when I was young, shouting at me with your sharp tongue.

Why me mumma? You loved punching me in jaw.

Do you detest me ma? Living in house arrest, yeah you where distressed.

We all know you’re depressed mumma.

See I’m not scared anymore, fear is a beast that feeds off attention.

I’ve been living in the fourth dimension.”

 

“I’ve been watching my life through a looking glass, remembering shit that happened in my past.

Do you remember ma?

I’ve been through some of the darkest shit, these past couple of years have filled me with fear.

18 years old lived my life in a suitcase, I get passed around from house to house.

Getting used more than toothpaste.

Been dragged up in a family thats so cold. Never had a cuddle always had my mind in a muddle.

Still my heart’s in the right place, always put people first.

I wasn’t born with the evil family curse.”

 

I was just a young girl who grew up too quick

Never had a stable home I always felt alone

The only way to get me through is my music and the blues

 

“Now ma I’m gonna tell you something you don’t know, let’s take this part slow.

I’m gonna come clean. I attempted in suicide back in 2014.

It was all a blur, I took 48 pills and I started to slur. It wasn’t your fault mumma, it was his.

The old man who gave me my first kiss. I was four years old he took my innocence.

A heart of blackness, he was filled with natural sinfulness n the impulse to evil thoughts is ascribed to him.”

 

I was just a young girl who grew up too quick

Never had a stable home I always felt alone

The only way to get me through is my music and the blues

 

“I’m sorry ma. I’m not writing to argue I just want to talk over a brew.

It's late now i'm writing this looking at the moon. I hope to see you next June.”