The Perpetual System

I don't want to look a fool with a pussy complaint,

I got a few problems, cause greatly perfect I ain't,

understand me, how I feel, you can't possibly know,

Bout a kid in a school, with no ambition to go.

A moment that scarred me, that will last me forever,

When a girl laughs at me, i couldn't hold it together,

My hands start to extend, they cause a lasting regret,

The fear in her eyes, it's something i wont forget.

Now I'll tell you bout the girl, how I had an affect,

to put her life on the line, with my hands round her neck,

And within a second or two, my life seems to fade,

Even though I was young, was only in the third grade,

Life feels purely unreal, so like a movie it's fake,

Karilla psycho villain, the new Norman Bates,

created simply from hate, taking pills just to abate,

Knowing that it's too late, to wipe my sins from my slate.

Oh god, why do this, I'm begging and on my knees,

The root of my pain, stem from the disabilities,

Tourette's, add, the panic attacks and depression,

all this fucking pain, just to defend your peons lessons,

I know there's worse, conditions others can be in,

but feel like you had me, deem most cursed human be-in,

For all your scriptures, you 'spost to use it, to lean on,

Just might take them pages, give me something to pee on.

Now talk bout the pharmas, how they feed off the needing,

Like me in my life, metaphorically bleeding,

So bundle up all the hurt, to put on your torn ragged shirt,

sadly wander the Earth, to try and see what you're worth,

Find the inevitable hurt, like end of a firth,

to see and assert, knowing you addicted at birth,

The pharmaceutical greed, make you feel a victim,

So go and try to fight it, The perpetual system.

Oh god, why do this, I'm begging and on my knees,

The root of my pain, stem from the disabilities,

Tourette's, add, the panic attacks and depression,

all this fucking pain, just to defend your peons lessons,

I know there's worse, conditions others can be in,

but feel like you had me, deem most cursed human be-in,

For all your scriptures, you 'spost to use it, to lean on,

Just might take them pages, give me something to pee on.

When I was just sixteen, I got some shit that was laced,

Tryna save a few bucks, he put some spice to replace,

some weed in the bag, comprised primarily of shake,

I wish I could go back, look the dealer in his face,

His name was Chris Ashby, caused me months of psychosis,

But worst of all, was the lack of a diagnosis,

If the doctors didn't know then what the hell could I do,

Was just stuck in my head, waiting if I could break through.

Oh god, why do this, I'm begging and on my knees,

The root of my pain, stem from the disabilities,

Tourette's, add, the panic attacks and depression,

all this fucking pain, just to defend your peons lessons,

I know there's worse, conditions others can be in,

but feel like you had me, deem most cursed human be-in,

For all your scriptures, you 'spost to use it, to lean on,

Just might take them pages, give me something to pee on.

Some days I just stand, while screaming into the mirror,

at times it looks foggy, frequently couldn't be clearer,

That I'm seconds from death, and how I couldn't be nearer,

Not in control of my life, not a boss or steerer,

So I wait in my raft, drift through the river of styx,

Maybe cut off an ear, like Van Gogh or a half way strix,

Cause right now I feel, i'm living a river of hell,

Maybe I get buried alive, chose to not ring the bell.

Oh god, why do this, I'm begging and on my knees,

The root of my pain, stem from the disabilities,

Tourette's, add, the panic attacks and depression,

all this fucking pain, just to defend your peons lessons,

I know there's worse, conditions others can be in,

but feel like you had me, deem most cursed human be-in,

For all your scriptures, you 'spost to use it, to lean on,

Just might take them pages, give me something to pee on.

This moment in my life, highlights all the worst in me,

The curbed freak last, comes sociopathic debris,

But now I see it clear, what i've brought on to myself,

The past has a way back, to punish you for yourself,

Its been 2 years since, from the initial psychosis,

I still feel it today, it degrades my noesis,

If you thinking with anger, think again and omit,

Cause if karma is real shit, then you shouldn't go choke it.