My pain

 

In my words i try n show my importance,

But it feels like more extortion,

Of my mind and my mental explorations

but only in proportion,

Cauz I live by my heart and die by emotions ,

In my muusic I try to strive for perfection

Writings bout all my imperfections

hoping for someone to listen

Will it glisten??...

will it get in used in a sentence

ever get mentioned... by intention

I usually keep stuff to my self like..

But when I write it down it feel like a new life

Or bring that the inner self to light

or shining light to the dark places that bring me vice

will it suffice? Always thinking twice

but the strain in my brain is my price and last all through the night

.............Yea it last through the night....

pause

So i wake up in the morning were so bliss,

fuck!!! god damn it

I guess I'm fucking pissed

Cauz I...

can't fucking make these lips

Spit the words I just wanna give

Lets just redo this shit

So I wake up first moments were so bliss

then the synapses of my acts start to beat to down

i know they say laugh at your pain but I'm not a clown,

but the vivid memories keeps the dark clouds around,

i have some things but i never really had it

like you say you got cash but all you really have is plastic,

cauz I got 3 sister and unknown mister,

on my moms side I got aunts and cousins but never visitors

I got a big family but in separate pictures

the black sheep of both families..HA go figure,

I'm older now and I figured out that love has different shapes

even thou its a pleasant feeling it can hurt and take

your... sense of happy livingggg

you feel like ur digging in a hole cauz u feel like your all alone

or walking round like a zombie with sadden moans

just looking for some guidance.....

for some guidance so you can apply them

so u dont feel like your dying

so dont bring me back cauz heart breaks feel like heart attacks

even thou its whole its still got cracks

........ from all the stabs in the back

And fact not everyone will find their place or their mate,

more so consolidate their independent state

but I just want to stay aloneeee

cauz my burdens are more than my hands can holddd

and even thou my poker face gets me from place to place

I feel like I wanna fold just pack up and go

But the haunting thoughts of her takes it toll

 

So right now I'm on my knees

Or am I admitting defeat

Or am I praying to someone that I will never meet

I will never fathom this phantom

But I will always sing my anthem of mind control

and sing it intill I'm old

Let society take its mold

And never fall but stall

cauz contractions of reactions

seems Unavoidable without true passion

N I'm laughing

cauz my life is such a satire,

cauz I let these thoughts give me flat tires

on my road to success....

I'm a pessimist, but least my sights are only up thou

I always think my time is up hoe

But I drag out answers I don't wanna hear

but in fact it's the things I need to hear clear

the fear is something I steer clear

it seems I just keep gettin near

The gate that peer over my ocean

So will I sink or swim

I image to just to skim in boat just care free,

thinking yupp there's me

Overcame the pain and rough seas

but intill that day I might as well stay

in the barbed wires and deal wit the pain...

my pain will it ever go away

I guess it's something I will have to find out and wait