Makin' a Change

Makin' a change,

in my chemistry,

never really did,

seem so hard to me,

 

Makin' a change,

in my wasted mind,

While I Always seem,

to run out of time

 

Suicide never did seem like a reasonable option to me

But I learned the hard way what reasonable options could be

No reason to keep living on a broke rockstar's weekly keep

When I've got no skills to show and I'm over my head way in too deep

My will to live seems to fade out in counts of threes

But who's going to stop me and try to counter me

My mind and heart and body ready to give out on me

But how can I hurt so bad, even life has started doubtin' me

 

Can you hear the sincerity in the wasted walls of time

When my only method to reach you is my scheming ways of rhyme

I've got one more life, because depression's eight of nine,

And every course of action always seems to cross the fucking line

Why you gotta hate me? I compensate enough for myself

Why can't God just take me? And send my belongings to hell

Why can't I just make me, disappear when I'm so unwell

Why won't no one save me, despite my cries for help

 

Makin' a change,

in my chemistry,

never really did,

seem so hard to me,

 

Makin' a change,

in my wasted mind,

While I Always seem,

to run out of time

 

This song was not easy for me to rap or to write

Nobody talks about how they just aren't alright

Doctors won't cure me now that I'm depersonalized

A prisoner in my own body who's tryna walk to the light

I want to rest easy without my brain tryna fight

I want to meet angels and take my final flight

Grab all this grace of God and fly into the midnight

Or maybe look down below and accept the devil's invite

 

Whatever it may be, I'll take the warp away from Earth

If it saves this mental anguish I've had since fucking birth

Making change seems pointless if no one acknowledges my worth

Just smite me with the darkness and peace that I've begged to deserve

Is it really hopeless? The clock's set back to five

Is it really worth it? Maybe that's why I'm alive

Is it simply hopin' if I'm trying to survive

Are my prayers answered at the conclusion that I arrive?

 

Makin' a change,

in my chemistry,

never really did,

seem so hard to me,

 

Makin' a change,

in my wasted mind,

While I Always seem,

to run out of time

 

Making this change,

is no easy road

Desiring to live

While carrying this load

 

Burdens of soul,

Weighing on my heart

Maybe I just need to

Head back to the start