my life... Part 1

( rapping starts at the time of 0:24 on the beat )

 

 

(beat)

 

 

My love is a masterpiece to thrive in

within my mind i strive to succeed and drive my dreams

I stay with in a shell of hope that my rhymes will stay dope

 

Cant sleep living out these horror dreams

Only 13 but I have seen darker things

Fuck life its too played out like a movie scene

Literally fuck life till she start to scream

Its the start of the equinox

the time where we leave dark thoughts in a hollow box

Well these dark thoughts aint never leaving my head

 

i feel so alone

i feel so broke

my mum dont speak to me

this aint a home

im walking to the river

i dont feel no hope

i just want to jump in thats not a joke

i want to drown

because i always have a frown

 

i wish my father never did what he did

but i couldnt stop him from smoking all those cigarettes

i couldnt get him to pay attention to his four kids

couldnt go to mom and get help cause she was worse

everytime i talked to that woman i got hurt

she was a major curse

towards my young childhood

 

i would rap to myself cause i was all alone

when i got home all i heard was my mom moan and groan

you can guess where my dad was

he was such

an ass so much

he was the rust that formed around the windshield of my life

felt like i was bein' cut by a knife

when i was 15 years old my father split

because of the things he cant admit

when he left my mother sunk into a depression

all i was left with was a growing aggression

my anger was uncontrollable

for my family i was unbearable

most would say i was intolerable

feelings now at a high peak and there dragging me down to a place

where you feel the warmth of the cold, feeling naked and deprived,

always lied to always had a beat to go to always had a room to be alone in

so now if I need insurance then I go to auto zone because I’m in the zone,

receiving 3 letters from a forgetful mother and a text from a absentee father

wow isn’t this a ironic way to start the path of a warrior

deliver my message through a courier so I don’t have to shoot the messenger

but now their dead, regret some things i said to them.

Life and Death the fate it's always set.

 

 

I have told you most of my life

I still don't think you understand

It isn't the kind of pain I get from a knife

Even now, your responses are getting bland

 

I'm an animal

So indestructable, I'm inflammable.

To my enemies I'm like a cannibal.

I'm magic, better than Dynamo.

Come sit over here and watch my show.

My raps are nothin but dope.

Battle with me? For you man there's no hope.

I'm a lion bout to kill your antelope.

Situation is so tense that you can't cope.

I eat wack rappers

if they be man or hoe.

You can try to push me down, yeah keep me low

But whatever you do you'll never stop my flow.

Haterz don't affect my head no more,

So why the hell you even tryin to for?

 

You collect foodstamps, I get dough

Im ice cool, you just ice cold!

 

Haha, it's comical. I'm fuckin' unstoppable.

I'll give ya one hit and a trip to the hospital.

I'm not civil, I'm like Godzilla.

I'm on 'til the beat stops.

Clonazepam, i had 3 pops.

Just wait 'til you see what i've got.

 

I once went to highschool,

got bullied,

cause i was white, and rapping.

thinkin they're all bright

when all they do is sit around and blight,

pages, pages, with constant hate,

no matter who you are,

feeling disgression as you are,

the constancy,

of a proxomite evaluation,

of my lyrical system which,

derived from my pure hate,

for those who had to create,

feelings, beatings, all the same to me,

like a burning flame,

without the warmth and breath,

We both had dreams of being great,

but it was not, the feeling not so bold,

you never knew how it felt,

to be on the bad side of town.

where you got bricks thrown from walls,

tryin to knock you down,

but all you can do is keep walking,

the same old empty streets that you walkin',

living life without fear,

impossible, these preachers comin at you,

telling you how to lead your life,

but fuck you man, go learn the shit yo'self

before you preach your ass over to my shelter,

cause thats what it is,

not a home,

a little crummy shit-hole,

trust me,

its no fun bein' the only white boy rappin,

but living life without fear,

turns the impossible to the possible,

demolishing, every corner,

leadin you into the light,

where they rhyme tight,

no words can escape the pause,

in which these bastards applause.

 

when you mend your broken mind and find that rap is an obsession

i think that this confession comes from all of my aggression

that I created when the doctor understated my depression

 

and in this session I refuse to let my mind go over matter

so i smatter any rapper who is claiming he is badder

An ill hammer at your cranium until it fuckin shatters

Wack until I hear a crunch and see some fuckin blood splatters.

 

I'm coming at ya for a your neck man, no rhyme or re about it

to leave a lasting imprint of my fuckin hand around it

I'm bounding for the bountry to make sure your label found me

And I'll lay it on the line to find your rap is so unsoundly

Life's hell on earth, fuck , world please don't give another birth.

Can't handle this loss anymore, soon ill have a heart attack and be on the floor.

 

but I’m still that 18 year old who stares at a baby picture and says what have I become

because sometimes I wish I never wrote down a line to go with a rhyme

wished I never listened to any rappers at any time because now my mind is a time bomb

waiting to blow everyone away by the passion I dish out and the intelligence

I give out pain so severe feel like Jesus with the lashes and Pontius with the choices

stumbling down a hall alone and void of noise until

I hear the voices telling me you are a victim and you will

Never be mentioned in any song never going to have a nice house

and never a wife you can spend on and never a child you can spend time with

never a friend who will listen to you who will go the distance with you

never a community who will respect you for what you do never be a real model

because I don’t need to play no role

tgray taught me that wish everyone I loved could be brought back into this one room

so I can tell them the truth of how I feel

right now because right now I feel like a moderator within 2 opposing factions

and each one is trying to pull me back and forth thinking I will support their transaction

yet i don’t even know how to do fractions so tell me now how to be a example of good

when one person says I don’t do it right and another says you should never try

and one person says you almost got it right

and one person says are you out of your mind

and one person says wow that doesn’t rhyme

and one person says that doesn’t even make no sense with that line..

see sometimes I doubt myself of getting

fame and wealth but see when I grew up a-part from myself

then that means I never knew anything of myself

so I’m a stranger to my own tears.