Joel & My Soul

Grew a knack for pickin the losers, just for another shot of smack

thinkin they have no clue, as I inject their dollars day in n' out

how long until they see my love is untrue? Never claimed bitches had virtue

whole life I gotta rebuild this hellhole, so deception I became very skilled.

I'm forever titled a moocher, I can blame it all on the cards I was dealt

or live up to the choices I've made, lies comin up like acid reflex

while I continually spit with the precision of a surgeon

 

Existing under phony pretenses as I fill my veins with poison

knowing my days have been counted, stuck in slow motion

acting on impulse, am I even still alive? Better take my vitals.

Life wasted dressed like as a sheep, merely so I can bleed in peace.

Injecting my victims with corruption simply to get a faction higher,

leading boys to a heart that I convinced myself couldn't be identified

 

I could blame it all on grief or live up to the bloodstain I spend all day craving

Next time I don't pick up the phone, I just might be the one in a bodybag,

I don't say that to crave your pity, I'm just laying down the truth.

My biggest fear is a headstone with no name, yet another Jane Doe.

Everyday the heroin numbs the agony a little less, while my needle grows duller,

Yet I only seem to grow more reckless, risking everything just to cop a 20.

Dope attempted to claim my life yet right as I gave up hope, you arrived.

Like a pill the doctor prescribed, you deified the fuckin' grim reaper.

 

Before I believed in soulmates, I just craved self-inflicted relief.

Leaving my soul undefined, fuck that, It was heroin I couldn't confine.

When we met I was breathing but far from alive n' not quite done deceiving.

stuck in an intense descent towards a grave that already claimed me as a slave.

You showed a devotion, that I was sure was blinded by confusion & lonesome.

How could you see past the bloodstains & track marks? It was all so baffling,

Love which felt so strange, while also oddly hypnotic, all at once I felt a change.

Yet life left me desensitized n' dead inside, a shell of where a women used to be.

 

Now I'm gonna spit some versus tryin' to redeem all that seems futile.

Fate shifted shit around, even tho you're my blessing in disguise,

We may still be addicted but recovery we walk towards hand in hand, committed.

I can guarantee that these words ain't drug induced cause I'm no longer lost

I used to only be able to give forty units of my time n' only if mandatory

Your passion has changed all that, cause you chose forgiveness instead of hate.

 

Bitch mother's abandoned me n' asshole father's that can't stand me,

yet none of that matters now, dope merely used to be my master

Now I'd happily pay for my crimes n' earn back my credibly

so listen to these rhymes one more time n' hear the truth as you reflect.

you'll hear my torment n' regret, these won't be my only amends I'll make

My own personal realm of hell that I'd built for myself, brick by brick.

 

Me n' you are perfect together, love is my drug without the steady decline,

could that be your epitome? Living without senseless violence

I'm sick of acting out a lie just so I can end up in the same place again.

Their's more than one use for a spoon, n' I'm done with the abuse

Done living as a parasite, so fuckin' greatful our paths collided

I fell in love with your truths while you called my bluff n' found a way to forgive,

revealing a part of my soul, you had no idea what you were freeing.

 

I'd already called it quits while involuntary pleading guilty

thought all was lost with June, agony so raw it blackened my spoon.

Somehow you saw past the lies, even when I had lost sight of the horizon,

Innocence so far in the past, love shown where light was unknown.

I'm not some careless bitch, and sure as fuck aint known for obedience.

 

 

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