New begging

I used to rap like every one else.

Goo at I took as good as your top five but hell,

Is putting rappers in a casket really lyrical wealth.

Is the pride and worship or self

Really worth the smell

Of the demons that would help me spell

And cast away the holy Spirit.

It was my witch craft or at least the nearest

Excuse to abandon God to pretend I had power.

That would expell a problem in an hour.

But what's the point of paper

If you got access to a calculator.

I would count bars but never count the savior.

When the pen ran out of ink and the pages began to waver

He was always there asking for not a single favor.

Just to talk to him so he could help me later.

Didn't always like him but always had him in my life like an annoying neighbor

Knocking on your door asking you to keep the noise down.

Little did I know he was trying to save me from the sea of demons before I drown.

And I nearly did. To busy

Smoking weed, Poppin pills, getting tipsy

Watching porn and taking psychedelics till it hit me.

About what I was missing.

You see when I was little my aunt left me in a cage.

And I didn't leave it till today.

Cause when all your life all you knew is pain.

You become addicted to it like a substance that you take.

Because it's a drug and trauma just a gateway.

Cause every addiction. Is just self hate.

But it gets to a point where it starts to physically weigh.

To the point you break.

And grab the blade.

I used to use it against my skin to write my name.

Because cause if I didn't get a fix I felt I was going insane.

And that ain't a metaphor

Attempted suicide thirteen times but when I got close it's like I met a door

Hung my self till I was past suffocating and my head was sore.

But every time death ignore

This made me angry and crazy and they put me in meds for sure.

In and out of mental institutions about the same amount of time as a white man's credit score

Didn't talk to God till 2021 but didn't make him God till 2024.

Haven't yet

Bowed my head

Just made false vows instead.

But I'm sharping up before the pin seal and I'm left

By the one who led

Cause this Satan's world but his rule is soon endin.

So before it's too late, I'm turning to a new beginning.

 

John 14:6-

“I am the way, the truth, and the life.

No one comes to the father except through me"