What If?
• Written by Co2
I sometimes wonder late at night
What if things had been alright?
What if there had been no drink?
No abuse, no frights?
No shouting, no fights?
No need to run & hide?
No being left home alone terrified?
No such thing as suicide?
What if you and Brian were still alive?
All these questions racing through my mind
I can't see any positivity
The events of my past have made me blind
The memories of a messed up child
Mam- if you can hear me
But I don't believe in god
I love you and now
I'm big I can say it
Sorry for any pain I caused
I remember being 2 years old
You were mad
I made yoghurt handprints on the walls
You and Brian sat me up on the draining board
And slapped me so hard while I bawled
Maybe I deserved it
Maybe it was just the alcohol
It turned an angel into a monster
Everyone tells me you were beautiful
The kindest nurse there was
I can't say I miss you
I can't even remember your voice
But I do remember you loved me
When you were sober
Always had me spoilt with toys
Brian- I know you didn't mean what you did
I loved you as my long lost father
You raised me as a 3rd kid
Aged 2 you let me steer my first car
During rows you'd
Calm me down with Caramel bars
Keep me safe in the bedroom, on guard
While Mammy used the hoover as an arm
It's so cruel that the
Only picture I have of you
Is the news photo on Google
They promised I could visit you
In Mount Joy but then it was too late
I didn't even get to say goodbye
Before you took control of your own fate
I promise as soon as I can
I'll speak to Janet
Tell her you were good to me
Let her know everything's ok
And put flowers on your grave..
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About the Artist
Co2
Member since August 9 2013