meeting myself

my name is alex and i just turned 7

going to the pharmacy to pick up the pills that im gettin

the doctor says that i have ADHD

and i can't focus lately

kids at school call me names during the tests

so now im diagnosed as clinically depressed

Mom gives me new meds and i drink the whole cup

she says when im feeling down i need to take an up

but i got so many uppers I need to take downers just fall asleep

and i can't dream cause the nightmares of the day follow me

One night i went to bed three weeks after my 9th birthday

then i open my eyes and its three years later on a thursday

i don't remeber much because its all just a blur

my mom died and i don't remember looking at her

because of the medicine that the doc tells me to take

make me numb to the touch and my vision opaque

i have a room mate in my brain that has more control than me

it decides my decisions even if i disagree

i been on these meds for so long i don't understand free will

i can't handle these situations wheres my pill he will

I feel i can't function and insanity im on the brink

there are papers on my docs desc that decide if i can blink

I'm on a pill to make me got over the loss of my mother

im on so many pills i'm starting to loose track of all the colors

but i'm scared of stopping because i don't who will have control

but i don't want to be on these pills when im 50 years old

i need help so i ask doc for more medication

i feel my bode becoming numb i feel myself fading

now im just on basic programming to do what im told

im what the government wants don't you see mindless adults

but i gotta stop so im going through detox

i want to meet myself i want to know how he talks

i want to know what he likes what he does for fun

i want to know what its like to feel something other than numb

i wan't to know what its like to love i want to learn to care

i want to know if i have people around me that will actually be there

ones that once knew me instead of me on the meds

i want to be able to run with me telling my legs

now im twenty one years young and its rehab that im heading

im thinking clearly and without the anti-depressants

I'm feeling nice