No(t) Yourself

(Intro)

I'll be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages and hence:

I could've gone this way and that, but then I—

My choices, or by the voice of God

And that's made all the difference.

 

How're we all doing tonight?

This song goes out for all the people

Who try to know themselves

When you feel like you're not yourself

and your very own skin is your enemy

and the goosebumps, they tell the tale

 

(Verse 1, 0:37)

Every morning that I wake up

Another box of chocolates, say yum

A good day or bad day, I'll never get to know

But I'm sick of waking up to trick or treats, no

Body ever told me about the days that I can't act right

Too scared to leave my room afraid of the stage fright

Like, I use to live Monday through Sunday

Franky used to sing about how it went My Way

Used to, used to, give a call to Houston

Someone's living in the past perhaps they use to

Map out big plans,

Momma Imma be the leader a big old band. Yes we can!

Can I kick it? Yes we can! Can I kick it?

Yes we can! Can I kick it? Yes we can!

well I'm gone, go on then

and I'm sick of all these bad habits

Like eating everything in sight like a savage, Mannn

I can't even manage cooking cabbage

Damaging my self-esteem, as I dream of a clever scheme

the magazines

advertise it, they advise it

Working out and eating right, man, I can't fight it

the feeling that life will stay the same

the lame game where no one knows my name, it's James...it's James

 

(1:40, bridge)

 

(Verse 2, 2:21)

I hear you don't understand what's going on in school

Facts fly by in a sky full of rules

Theories on theories

No time for even three of me's

Teachers on my case, can't I get some sleep and peace

4 years here, I pay my dues for these years

but I can't keep up, wasted money through my tears

Study groups, Bible groups, they all keep me floatin'

My head above the waves, but man I'm sick of coping

and choking, I can't fight under pressure

My veins filled with lukewarm, work under pleasure

Whatever makes me feel good, that's real good

But what's the good in trying if I can't even feel good

So I raise another glass, Amped up but skipping class

Sleeping in the shower cuz i'm low on gas

since C's get degrees, I just have to pass

please fastforward to when this is in the past

 

(Verse 3, 3:04)

So Bam, I see now, the answers to my hows

and whys I had to work, harder than I do now

with no doubt,

every second counted, but I gave up and struck out

Never made my dad proud

Forever let my dad shout deep inside my brain,

"don't become a retard in society just because your pain

is bigger than your strength, c'mon man

Well now I'm the scrub at the bottom of the can

I'm a friggin father who won't even bother

Better yet worse, in the basement of my mother

Never learning, never concerning

that my actions have consequences,

Study to live, not for conforming

Life is short but it keeps coming and going,

when you gonna hop on and stop the free falliin'

Go buy a belt big boy, if the pants keep fallin'

Real men work, go blame the curse of the fallen

 

(Ad lib, 3:45)

 

(Verse 4, 3:55)

So many 20 somethings

Dropout for soul searching

Itching n' bitching, about

I'm meant for so much more, I'm certain

Don't close door on me, don't close the curtain

I hear an encore, or maybe it' a burden, some person

giving me a chance, one glance that sees the real me

Not the scrub, the bum, my inner voice keeps calling me

Comeback stories only happen in the movies see

or at least not my life, my life that shouts OMG

Oh my God, I got a heavenly father

while I'm disowned by my Korean other, son turned pariah

Expectations already gone, and it's killing me, you feelin me?

God calls me child, my son, he's healing me

Brother to the Son of Man by grace alone

that means I did nothing right, but still love was shown

I can't see the future even with my glasses on

But by God, I know I gotta keep marching on