my life

this is taking some guts

right now im in a struggle tryna find out where to go

i think this is a story you should know here i go

 

when i was 2 my mum decided she didnt want me

so she left me outside a relative's house and said

i cant cope she was diagnosed with postnatal depression

my dads mum tried to help but social services

got involved and weeks went by no sign of her

i had to go to hospital because i had a problem with my nose

and a rash from my head to my toes

the rash wasnt the problem but the doctor said they

couldnt understand how i could breath

i had lost a lot of blood that night and the doctors asked

for my mum but again there was no sign of her

years went by not a phone call birthday, christmas present

then i was 6 and i was in school with my brother

we got caught robbing money so we could get noticed

oh we got noticed alright by the fucking police

and after that i didnt see my mum my brother my sister until i was 8

then i stepped up and said i want to see my mum

then i used to go an stay 2 times a week but then my mum

used to send me back home because she said she

was off out or having something to eat

but that was all a lie i always wanted that motherly figure around but

it didnt happen but while all this was going on my dad had a girlfriend but

he always bothered with her and her daughter i didnt mind because i

loved her she was more of a mum to me that my real mum was

i wanted a mum so i could have some mother daughter time but then

when i turned 12 i started to self harm because people said stuff about

my mum saying she was a terrible person she cant look after her kids

she does this she does that but now i realise self harm isnt a way of

dealing with things it was for me but not anymore i used advice off the

internet and did things to take my mind off of things and it helped but then

terrible happened in school i got called names from fat bitch to slut and i

got death threats everytime i logged on to any social media

it was all so much to take in i decided i wanted to end my life but then

i thought about if i ended my life what would i do to others

and i told more people about how i felt and i got quite alot of help

so now im taking this time out to realise what ive done and to apologize

i need to step up my game and buck my ideas up and start thinking about

what degrees i want because i leave school in 1 yr and i will be in college

i want to become a professional writer and music / rap dance

choreographer but if i want this to happen i need to settle down