Alone

i finally let you go and the load got lighter,

born alone die alone but grew up a fighter,

contemplated situations that i was facing,

such a long time went straight to waste,

i mean really though what can i say?

maybe its because i am a disgrace,

you left but your memory remains,

within my heart that's on my sleeve like a deep stain,

broken and traumatized i felt nothing but pain,

long nights, stressed mind, slowly i had went insane,

ice for a heart and if you dig then you know its my veins,

im talking to myself in the mirror with these trust issues,

telling myself just do it, quoting a fucking brand of shoe,

and saying "its okay nobody will miss you,

wont nothing ever be able to fix you,

and lookout everyone is out to get you,

you're expendable they will just forget you,

your light did and ill bet your best friend will too,

no wonder she left you're nothing but a fool,

you were lacking of motivation not tools."

but my life is full of hard knocks its really taken me to school,

i'll pick myself back up and dust off the rocks like i always do,

being without you, the feeling grew, it was familiar like deja vu,

now i start anew, with nothing to lose, time will heal thats true.

or did i grow numb and a little oblivious,

like Potter was to the truth about Sirius,

hell maybe im insane and fucking delirious,

im glad youre doing well and im sorry i got furious,

the feeling of not being good enough left me curious,

i was playing with fire and i ended up burned,

accusations and hesitation so thats what i earned,

the memories turned to ashes and my mind's the urn,

but i will always see it as a beautiful lesson learned,

and i will take the old me out by the red fern,

the demons are screaming as they toss and turned,

but i will just give them one more hollow,

straight to point the truth is hard to swallow,

but in my pain i will no longer wallow,

ill wait for the day you come back to say hello,

i wont let this break me, itll only make me stronger for tomorrow,

and if i must i will wear a mask and charade all of my sorrow,

because strength is one thing i never borrow cause i grew up alone,

ill walk tall with no path to follow ill even straighten my back bone,

to show my past demons just how much i have actually grown,

but quick there is no time to waste i got to move fast,

so that i dont have to face the bad things in my past,

i really did wish the bond between us would last,

but it did not matter how i felt or how vast,

but you left me broken and unfixable with a cast,

 

in the mean time ill cope with being alone,

i need no one ill get high on my own,

so everyone can just leave me alone,

for my sins ill atone on my damn own. (x2)

 

Stuck in my high, afraid of heights, I'm trapped,

within my mind, but i will fight, because i cant relapse,

my emotions are like explosions in the lyrics i rap,

my right hand. writes them on a pad, as it sits in my lap,

sometimes my rhymes make me look like a sap that may snap,

that is because of being kicked and slapped while i was on my back

my mind is hell and within it im trapped trying to get on track,

to take a crack at those who laughed while through hell i was dragged,

and when i get my mind right all of them will get smacked believe that,

especially my dad for going back to melting down meth rocks,

wasting time getting his fix when his youngest son hath no socks,

like Vader he says he my pops but hes more alien than Spock,

father is something he is not, to me the faggot can rot,

6 years clean down the drain cause my mom left that hurt alot

i know because she left us all without a second thought,

but you guessed you were the only one put on the spot,

yet my life was falling apart and i was forced to restart,

2016 was a year that a lot stress was put on my heart,

i felt like i was being sucked into a hole that was dark,

like a knife my wits were sharp i only made it cause i was smart,

it all came so fast and hard that i was left rocked,

and i couldnt do much but sit and observe,

who know what lurks around the curve while i spit this verse,

so immerse myself in my work so one day ill find the right words,

to try to explain these confessions as im stressin depression,

without expression, or question, my words are my only weapon,

To speak from the soul and turn this curse into a blessin

 

in the mean time ill cope with being alone,

i need no one ill get high on my own,

so everyone can just leave me alone,

for my sins ill atone on my damn own. (x2)