Suicidal Thoughts

 

Im feeling suicidal its the same vicious cycle,

im Lost in denial and my revival is vital,

I fight only for survival, my past is my rival,

Will i last, i smoke to mask the pain but it turns bad fast,

 

So many tears ive shed in short years for lost peers,

Will i be forgiven by god, i was one of his lost children,

Bad decisions and many sins for hopeless reasons,

I hear my demons i dont want em anymore but they aint leavin',

 

I need guidance but i can hear ambulance sirens,

Was it my defiance to dads death that led me to violence,

I can screams then everything goes black and silent,

Am i lost or am i violent or am i a product of my environment,

 

So many questions, i see my fathers presence but feel the devils essence,

Im catching blessings and the devils intentions on the same line,

I feel like im in hell but i can see the heavens at the same time,

Take me away, i cant stay everybodys fake anyway,

 

 

 

I tried to change, but the rage inside turned my mind deranged,

Father forgive me life got harder to live so i got darker,

Fallen friends, crazy weekends, a broken relationship so now the joy ends,

trust is damaged, crushed by phony homies, so i bust cause ive been abandoned

 

Im lost and im lonely, call me soft cause i need a girl to hold me closely,

Im dying slowly, fighting back tears using hennessy and multible beers,

Smoking weed, dreaming of my deceased seed who never gotta chance to breathe,

this life i lead nothing guaranteed, apart from being buried, i aint worried,

 

Im gonna leave cause i cant achieve the same equality as those who study,

im not stupid its just cupid did a number on me,

just Lost kid from the gutter dealt with the madness raised by a single mother,

Heart break and pain, my mistakes have drove me insane,

 

Nobody understands me, why is it just my demons holding my hands G,

Nobody loves me not even my family, just a white ugly cunt who hit insanity,

My depression makes me question wheres god at?, is watchin' me from heaven,

Am i just that lethal weapon that keeps em fearin' There own reflection,

Suicidal thoughts, strictly confidential talks, theres no remorse for so enough of that bollocks