Dear Dad

dear dad, its been 5 years since you passed,

sometimes i wake up in a shitty mood and speak to mum like trash,

i dont mean to its an urge that builds inside of me,

and i cant be the man i try to be,

when you died my soul died in me,

why did you leave us? you didnt even say goodbye to me,

its like we're playing hide and seek,

but its taking forever for this game to end,

one day we might all be together and you and mum can make amend,

i felt i could trust you, you were my bestest friend,

but i didnt like it when you hurt mum,

the mistakes you made, you didnt learn from um,

you was stuck a world of depression and all you could do was run,

youre world was spun,

when you would say horrible shit to me i knew you loved me because i am your son,

my heart was stung and started to weigh a tonne,

just wait for the next verse cause i aint done,

 

see now in this verse im getting rowdy,

you could call me mouthy,

i felt the blame for what you did and my world went cloudy,

my moods went drowsy,

now i get aggressive and rap loudly,

but i aint scared no more dad,i say shit proudly,

i say shit powerfully,

what you did to mum, ye that shit was cowardly,

and your brothers and sisters hated her,

everytime i went to visit them,i always heard, they was always slating her,

she didnt do a thing out of place, but she was on her own,

all alone,

actually no,

i was there who she needed most,

what you did you could say you have some balls,

at your funeral everyone arose,

and gave you an applause,

but they didnt know you like we did,

i show all the shit you did from when i was a wee kid,

they only remember you for the good things,

well i do but also for the negatives,

you tried to overdose as replacement as a sedative,

see u loved mum and didnt want anyone else having her,

do u realy thinking you would keep her by grabbing her and slapping her,

SEE NOW SHE DIDNT WANT YOU

your life was crashing,

all the mirrors in the house ye you was smashing,

zara didnt have a clue what was happening,

she was always asking,

i told her you and mum was playing and yous was laughing,

 

on the 1st christmas back,

my vision went black,

i had faint memories,i was blinking,

im not gonna lie i was drinking,

all i could think of WHAT THE FUCK WAS YOU THINKING,

all that bullshit why didnt you get help,

go to the doctors or mental health,

it would have saved our family and our lives wouldnt have began to melt,

see i loved you cause you was my dad,

i couldnt forever be mad,

sometimes i sat in my bedroom and cried cause i was sad,

see if i could turn back of course i would,

i couldda made things good,

and make you of understood,

that eventually you was going to be losing us,

especially when you was abusing mum,

you was confusing us,

you was paranoid,and you was accusing mum,

of cheating,

she was loyal dad and everyday you'd give her a pointless beating,

and im still grieving,but i dont care,

shit happens,so when i get all depressed i spit raps and,

think about shit,

this aint quick,

but now everyones listening,

now im drifting

the weights lifting,

we might meet again,

and ye i said 'might',

id like to say my last goodbyes,

ending this with r.i.p dad, god bless, good night,