Dear Son

Dear Son,

I miss you. How have you been? It's been a while.

I hope you're not wasting any of your time, you're in your prime.

How sublime it must be to hear from your Father,

I'm sorry if it this comes at a time I could be a bother to you.

I have thought about the things I missed while I was gone,

While you grew up to be a little man.

I'm sure you grew up a lot by now,

How's your sister?

I miss her too.

Oh, how I miss the both of you.

She has the most beautiful eyes, the deepest hue of blue.

All I have now is this imprisoned view.

Are you learning a lot in school? I hope you are killing it!

Are you doing any Spring sports?

My heart contorts when I think of all the things I will never

Have a chance to be a part of again.

Listen, I hope you have been able to understand why I was taken

And you have been able to awaken from a well-rested night's

Sleep each night.

It's making me crazy. My mind is no longer hazy.

I'm sorry I waited years to write you, I feel so lazy.

How is Daisy? That dog was so cute. She must be big these days.

I used to love to watch you guys play, almost every day.

Anyway, I wanted to let you know something very important.

In short, it's something you need to know because I think

You're old enough to comprehend it. I always thought you would

Be not prepared to hear it, but I now fear what could be destroying me.

Do you recall the way your Mother would callously mistreat

You and your sister? She would abuse you both, violently,

And like a monkey, she always thought it was kind of funny.

The howling sounds of pain would resonate through the house.

I felt ashamed I didn't do anything to intervene. She was so mean.

The bruises she would leave on your bodies disgusted me.

Within minutes it was the darkest black, like a rotten plum.

The terrible, hurtful things she would say also upset me.

Was it less trouble to physically and psychologically abuse you

Than to learn to be a better person biologically?

A confounding predicament, for sure, I never could see how it

came to be so difficult.

When she began normalizing the abuse, I think I began to see

What she really was like beneath the mask she wore each day.

I couldn't sit and watch you both be treated like trash,

Her behavior was brash, and I couldn't just dash.

I saw you start to bring the anger to school,

Getting into trouble more often, slowly un-spooling,

And I knew it was time to act.

So, I thought of something I could do to help you escape from

The very life I helped you to create.

That evening, after putting you down to sleep for the night,

After she did all of her routine, hit all the lights,

And made sure you were tucked in tight,

I made my move while she sat and watched television.

The very woman who gave me several beautiful children

Would now be the recipient of one of my most regrettable memories,

If ever these hands had a chance to do so.

As I moved to place the razor wire over her throat,

The true scope of what I was doing hit home.

No time for regrets, this was the time to be sure

That the children I love would have a future.

As I passed by her locked gaze, she moved to react to me,

In what had to be an instant, I knocked the wire completely tight.

Your mother moved to look into my eyes as blood began seeping,

No more breathing was ever done. Her eyes filled with red,

As she choked her final, attempted breathe.

Keeping locked eyes as she reached up for my wrists, not knowing

She was only assisting my grip, her carotid bled quick.

As she finished gurgling for air on the sofa,

I turned off the TV, so the sound wouldn't wake you.

You deserved to sleep so peacefully,

Just as your mother will, eternally.

Sometimes, the people we live with are the very ones

We end up hating before the end.

And I know I sacrificed my freedom,

I did it only to keep you from ever having to worry again.

I love you, Son, even if you end up wanting nothing to do with me

In the end, I did it for you.