My Past

see you walking 'round the block

I know that I got to stop

I be getting letters home that I'm doing better

I've had problems for 16 years

I always be shedding tears

making unreasonable fears

I always try to find the light but that is a harder fight

I always live in the darkness

I don't what's wrong or right

 

I always see my past

I know that its gonna last

I wish I could change all the bad decisions that I have made

I have a bright future ahead of me & I am strong

I am smart and if I screw up I won't have no one to love

I always see my past

I know that's its gonna last

I always have these thoughts

about all the problems that I cause

 

yeah, my parents, they worry about me

I don't want them to worry 'bout me

but I didn't mean to break their trust

I just didn't want to open up

they said that they would help me in a sticky situation

I got to live wit all these hesitations

n I got to learn to be patient

if I ever talk about my problems

it'll make me seem just like a drama queen

I just have some problems I just need to keep to me

I've had thought in the past about dying

every time I think about it I start crying

when people ask me how my day was I'm saying

"It was fine"

but like Pinocchio, I'm lying

 

I overdosed at school about a year ago

I took to many drugs and I was moving real slow

one day I got really stressed

about the midterm test

felt like an anvil on my shoulders

being squished by a boulder

I took to many pills and I couldn't feel nothing

I couldn't speak up when I was told to say something

I couldn't stand up, only able to throw up

I couldn't stay awake

some people thought it was fake

 

my past will have bad stuff

even when times get tough

when I have enough

I listen to juice but he talks about drugs

but he ain't talkin bout the good stuff he talks bout the bad stuff

the things that puts you in a hearse

when you feel the lowest of the low or worse

 

when I think about my past

I know that its gonna last

it haunts me every time so I just gotta laugh

cant show my pain

gotta hide it in my brain

I know I ain't getting my life back

and that's just a fact

I don't share my feelings I don't like communicating

parents don't understand kids thoughts, it's complicated

I be sitting back thinking bout life so much I'm contemplating

 

my past

my past

I know that it's gonna last

my past

my past

time be moving way to fast

 

I be in my room so much that I start fading

sometimes just I don't want to be waking

I feel like rapunzel being stuck in the castle

this quarantine stuff I just can't handle

sometimes the grim reaper comes to visit me

but I guess god agreed it's not the right time you see

my past that really be haunting me

God gave me more time to live my life

after I od'd it was him who kept me alive through the night

he wanted me to awake to the nice sunrise

and have pancakes on my breakfast plate

(and it's the life I learned to appreciate)