I still remember it all

Would've, could've, should've, words bouncing in my head

Hypothetically wondering, did I have to more?

Asking myself unanswerable questions, believing in lore

You would love me forever, at least that's what you swore

 

It's been a long, long time since we broke up

In the empty parking lot as the rain fell

It was supposed to be fun turning twenty-one

But now I'm all alone with my thoughts

 

It was cold outside as I held your hand

Watching the dry leaves fall from the trees

And then I told you: "I wish this would never end."

And you answered with: "It doesn't have to."

 

Oh, you were quite convincing and I was quite the fool

As you picked me up and then you went ahead and used me as a tool

I let you take me to places I have never seen before

Because I was so convinced that you were the one

 

And I saw the "Welcome to New York" sign as we headed home

In your dad's old pickup truck and

Remember when we picked up apples in upstate?

I still remember it all

 

We played Sparks Fly on repeat as you looked at me

Almost running the red light in the process

And I giggled and blushed as I kicked my feet

While some old rom-com was playing on the TV

 

I tried so hard to make things work

But you were still leaving space for her

And I sat on the stairwell looking at my phone

As the hours passed and you still weren't home

 

When you finally arrived at 2:30 A.M.

You smelled like a combination of vodka, weed and sex

But I didn't want to know it was true 'cause I didn't wanna lose you

And you took that for granted and went to bed and

 

I sat on the kitchen island with a plate of food

You sat next to me asked if it was "for me or for you?"

I was hungry, but I didn't want to sound rude

So I stood up and mumbled: "It's for you."

 

You never cared about how I felt or what I wanted

And I know some of these details aren't important

Remember how you gaslighted me at my best friends engagement party?

I still remember it all

 

And probably, most likely

When we turn thirty

I'll still feel something for you

Oh, I'm out here blue, what to do?

 

Friends come and go and the seasons change

But I'm still here where you left me babe

I don't wanna drive past that parking lot ever again

'Cause then all the memories come flooding back

 

I don't know if we got lost in translation or I asked for too much

Nor will I ever know why you suddenly wanted to break up

'Cause you kept me a secret, but I kept you like an oath

Because I swore to love you and protect you, but it didn't go both ways

 

They say all's well that ends well until it didn't at all

And I was risking losing my mind in the name of love

But then I always remember that one fateful fall

I still remember it all

 

And we don't talk much, so I guess things haven't changed

'Cause your lack of communication caused me some deep rage

And even though for some time I was just a girl you banged on your couch

I wanted something more, but you jumped up at the sound

 

'Cause I know you got commitment issues and I accept that

But every time you argue with me, I think I can fix you and that's a fact

And obviously you only break your favorite toys

You play with them, throw them away, then feel nostalgia for it, hey

 

And I didn't understand how after the breakup you were perfectly fine

As if you leaving me didn't shock you deeper than an earthquake

And although after all this time, I'm not even close to being alright

But I came to terms that you didn't love me, I still remember it all

 

So was it over then and is it over now?

Was it all for show in my big, blue ball gown?

Cause if the shoe didn't fit, would you have forced it?

Or would you just wait until midnight came?

 

If this were a movie, I would've rewritten the ending

So we'd be kissing in the rain as a love song played with the credits

And then the curtain would fall as a symbolism of how

We fell in love, I still remember it all

 

'Cause just how you won the girl, you lost her

Did you love me as a person or who I was back then?

Because people change and the feelings, too

And I guess that's just what happened to you

 

And people say I'm bitter and people say I'm jealous

Is it really my fault that I'm overzealous

To get a man back just for the feeling?

Just for the rush of an argument that'll leave me reeling?

 

I've been known to constantly act on instinct

And I don't think with my mind, I think with feelings

I promise you forever and always even though I can't give it

And I say empty promises in hopes you'll need it

 

I forgive, but I don't forget, and you can tell

Every time we fight, I tell you I still remember that one day

You appeared drunk, crashed my car and ran away

You think I'm dumb, you think you're smart, but I still remember it all

 

And probably, most likely

When we turn thirty

I'll still feel something for you

Oh, I'm out here blue, what to do?

 

Don't blame me for anything when all you have is yourself to blame

Pick up the phone instead of the controller 'cause this is not a game

I'm no damsel in distress, not someone that you can tame

But every time I feel sad, I go on my phone and look up your name

 

I can't believe

I'm back in the

Old habit

Of fallin', fallin'

 

Fallin' down

The rabbit hole

It's getting old

I know, ay no

 

I can't believe

I'm back in the

Old habit

Of fallin', fallin'

 

Fallin' down

The rabbit hole

It's getting old

I know, ay no

 

And probably, most likely

When we turn thirty

I'll still feel something for you

Oh, I'm out here blue, what to do?